“When I meet somebody for the first time, I’m extremely open-minded. I feel that any encounter has the potential to turn into something romantic, platonic, familial; it just takes time to figure out which one it will be…
“A good friend pointed out yesterday that my strong personality and confident vision mixed with the passion I display when doing things will often be attractive to the people I meet, and make them feel special without me trying to do so. The attention and interest I show can make feelings seem very intense for others.” (p. 42)
I admit it: I’m an extremely passionate person! It doesn’t matter if it’s a plate of food, a painting on the wall, a sports event, or a person I’m meeting for the first or the thousandth time; when I’m interested in something (or someone), I put a lot of energy and enthusiasm into it.
This can create problems when meeting someone new: not only can someone I’m interested in platonically mistake this excitement as a personal interest in them; but when I am interested or involved with someone romantically, they can mistake this passion as a desire or attempt to advance the relationship very quickly, despite my verbal or written expression of the opposite.
It’s really frustrating to be in such a position (I’ve been on the other side a number of times too, and now I try to observe energetic individuals’ interactions with other people before creating any ideas that the feeling is specifically directed to me). I don’t like the unnatural idea of muting my personality for the sake of those who may misinterpret it, nor do I think I should have to preface every new encounter, paranoid that others may become overwhelmed. But the intense and misleading conversations that can result from misunderstandings are also extremely exhausting.
What do you think? In order to give people time to ‘know’ us, should we hold back and not be our enthusiastic selves when meeting someone new?
Life. - Not All Men Are Monsters - Sex. Travel. Food. Life. - Brian Johnston 
I say do not dilute who you are for anyone! It is rare to find a man who wears his passion and enthusiasm on his sleeve and is emotionally transparent, at least from a North American perspective! The ones that may misinterpret your intentions because of these qualities are perhaps not paying close enough attention to what is not being said! As an author, you have the power of artfully crafting words to convey clearly to us that which we have not seen, smelled or tasted. Without becoming paranoid to the perceptions (and expectations) of others; perhaps a few strategically placed words at key points to define where things are for you may make the other person have to ask the questions that are obviously going unasked on their part! “I enjoy spending time with you. You are a great friend!” “I care about you and like that we are taking our time getting to know each other.”. This may generate the discussion before it becomes altogether exhausting.
thanks for sharing christina, appreciate the support! the first suggestion seems pretty foolproof, but the second one, that can still be tricky, as bringing things up in words, even as clearly as that, can be enough to get the drama rolling. i’ll have to work on finding the key moments to use them. thanks again!
Well, I found your “passion” a great thing but I understand it can frighten some people. Depends on the way they have been educated: hide feelings or express them.
Perhaps some cultures welcome more than others enthusiasm? Here in northen France, I have learnt to be careful and to not show people I like, appreciate or dislike them. It’s a bit different in Marseille, we don’t have to be so backward with our feelings and we hide less our exitement (or our nerves!)
No method will be perfect. Sometimes, your enthusiasm will be popular, sometimes it will be embarassing. The best way would be, as always, to fell wich behaviour is appropriated, according to the situation and to the person?
Other guys are negative and suspicious first, that’s not better!
good points mary, thanks for sharing! hopefully, as i elaborated on in my cultural comforts ‘Travel.’ blog entry, i’m a bit more aware of the cultural conditioning of my surroundings, though i continue to have the embarassing moments too (but as long as we can laugh about them afterwards, i think it’s ok!). i definitely choose places to stay longer-term based on the general openness of the people, though in the end, everybody is an individual, as you say. hope you don’t have to be too careful and closed off from the people around you, doesn’t sound like fun! thanks again!
How many times have you heard someone saying how they remember a person years down the line because of how special they are? It doesn’t matter which country or culture you are in, a person’s personality will eventually attract or otherwise. Trying to mute one’s personality will only make you appear awkward (or worse insincere if it looks like you don’t appear to be open). This will not further any relationship at all. At best, we can only be ourselves when meeting someone new platonically or romantically and hope that the chemistry will be there, as friends or lovers.
We are all enthusiastic when we encounter something/someone we are interested in and we put lots of energy in. When we encounter something new, we pour our efforts in and when we learn about it, we move on to the next interesting project. But with a person, I find that often, after we think we ‘know’ that person, we get comfortable and we fail to maintain the relationship and neglect to spend quality time with that person and eventually, passion dies and feelings ignored. This will often lead to negative feelings generated from the other person.
I feel you could be who you are whoever you meet or whatever you do. Should the other person find you overwhelming, he/she could choose to walk away or talk about it. The former, we can only lament that a potentially connection is lost and hope that it will turn up some other point in life and we take it from there. The latter will allow us to clear any misunderstandings and no matter how exhausting or intense it may be, it would surely be better than pent-up silent brain-storming and doubts on one/both parties in the long run. When a friendship or relationship is struck with honesty and integrity of your (good) intentions, where intricate and mystical feelings/chemistry are involved, we should always be prepared to dedicate some quality time to those special people in our lives, no matter how much we think we know them already. Stamina, together with your already present passion, will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for the comments and advice SW. I think I’ve got at least two dedicated blog entries to come from it! 🙂
Brian, another interesting topic that reaches inside me because I can relate to that of which you speak. I understand all to well the bane of that double edged sword called passion. Trying to live in what I will say is an(general classification)Anglo Saxon society where passion is to be bottled or boxed up. In warm climates passion is the norm and I believe embraced. As you, if I speak of anything that draws my interest there will be passion, be it GOD, love,family, friends or sports my volume will increase and my hands get involved in the conversation with the rest of my body. Yes there are those that will be drawn to the passion and some like the moth to the light. Yet there are those that will be repulsed by it for various reasons, some out of fear because they are intimidated by it, some because they are jealous of it and some will sometimes mistake passion for anger. Man fears what he does not understand and can also be repulsed by it. At sixty I am now really trying to manage my passion because I have come to understand that with all gifts come responsibility and the ability to live life with passion is a gift. We often take the things we are blessed with for granted because we don’t stop and think that the gifts we have others may look at with envy. Wisdom without understanding is wasted as much as knowledge without understanding. Be blessed and keep venturing into topics that will stir our passions, because without passion I do not believe there can be truth.
Thanks for the wisdom and support Ken, I hear you. The repulsion, anger, envy, jealousy, intimidation, etc, these are things I have to struggle with on an almost daily basis as a volunteer development worker. It’s strange how the people who ask for one’s help are the same ones to do so much to see someone fail. It seems that some people don’t want to see someone else succeed (often as a result of their passion and dedication) where they could not do so on their own, as if working in a team makes them weaker, or to me more direct, they interpret someone else’s success as their personal failure. I recently saw a European film that illustrated this point perfectly, so it’s not a particular culture that it sits with. I just hope the roller coaster finishes with positivity. This is another topic that deserves its own blog entry.. 🙂